Harry Potter and the Mary Sue
by Eurodragon
Summary: My Mary Sue parody. Which makes it clear just why exactly they are so annoying. Rated PG just to be safe.


**Hiya, finally I am putting this account to use! If you don't know what a Mary Sue is, then you should be happy. They are a disgrace to all things Fanfic. Oh, just so you know, I based this off my Dutch version of this story, so if it seems familiar then that's why. Since English is not my first language and I don't have a beta, it might have some grammar/spelling errors. And some things are different in this version because they weren't in my dictionary :(**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. JK Rowling does. I own nothing but the plot.**

Harry, Ron and Hermione were sitting in a compartment of the Hogwarts Express. Their sixth year was about to start. Hermione was absorbed in a book about the magical properties of toenails, and Ron and Harry where just about to play a game of Wizard Chess, when suddenly... The door opened.

"Haaaaaaaaaai,"

Harry, Ron en Hermione all looked up. Ron's mouth opened very wide and Harry's eyes became as big as saucers. Hermione frowned when she saw how her friends were drooling over the girl in the doorway. She had long, shoulderlength oak-colored hair that was shining with a natural strength (probably expensive shampoo), eyes like beech-nuts in September and the figure of the average Barbiedoll.

"I'm Mary Sue, but you can call me Selena Starbright."

She smiled very sweetly at Harry and Ron. If wizards could melt, then these two would have done that right now.

"Er, right," said Hermione.

Harry and Ron didn't say anything. They were too busy drooling.

"Is it OK if I sit here?" asked Mary.

She didn't wait for anyone to answer and immediately flopped down between Harry and Ron. They couldn't keep her eyes off her. Hermione decided to resume her reading. She opened the book at the page she left off. In the meantime, Mary had started to tell Harry and Ron about herself.

"I'm an exchange student from New York, and it was totally not cool. School was waaaaay too easy for me, for I am a Parselmouth, Animagus and Metamorphmagus. I've got fifteen OWLs and I was the most populair student with all the teachers. That's why I deserve to have a nickname. Isn't it ubercoooooooooooool?"

Hermione immediately disliked this Mary Sue girl. Parselmouth, Animagus and Metamorphmagus? Oh come on. But she didn't say anything about it. That would be rude.

* * *

Nothing special happened the rest of the ride. Harry was starting to get over Mary Sue, he was drooling a lot less. And Ron had started to blink again, something he had forgotten to do for a while. They didn't sit with Mary in the Thestral carriages. She sat in the same carriage as Draco. This made Harry very angry.

"What is WRONG with you guys?" asked Hermione, when the carriages started to move.

"She is so beautiful, her hair reminds me of fresh chocolade mousse..." sighed Ron.

Harry didn't say anything. He was just staring at the carriage in front of them, where he knew Mary Sue was sitting, with Draco. His tongue was sticking from his mouth and he was growling angrily.

"If he tries anything..."

"Earth to Harry, earth to Harry," said Hermione.

"Huh?" answered Harry. He turned around. "What happened? The last thing I remember is the door opening and... Mmmh... Mary Sue..."

Hermione, who noticed that Harry was going into trance again, hit him on the forehead.

"OUCH!" yelled Harry, "what did you do that for?"

"You were acting like Ron," she said, pointing at him.

Harry looked at Ron. He was humming a song and some drool dripped from his mouth.

"Ron!" said Harry.

Ron stopped humming. He was looking around as if he had just woken up. "Huh?"

"It must be that Mary Sue. She has a weird effect on you. Something's fishy," said Hermione.

"Nonsense," answered Harry, "just because you're jealous doesn't mean you have to say everything's her fault!"

**Liked it? Hated it? Am I in desperate need for a beta or is my English good enough? Please let me know! Even if you have nothing to say, reviews make me very happy. Well, flames just make me doubt the intelligence of mankind... But let's not go there, okay?**

**Greetings, your little weasel friend.**


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